4:39 p.m. - 2009-12-03
i am no day counter
here its so close to the end. some 12 days to go. i should be sleeping.
i am ready in alot of ways and then at the same time i know that i am scared out of my mind. i know this b/c i know what i do when i am scared. i know how it feels and what it looks like.
like this...
i don't think about it, because i am so scared. i can't breath and i just want to cry at how over whelming it all seems. but i am excited, and theres apart of me that hopes for better and change to make it so. something thats says no this is exciting and it will make you feel alive. so i sign up for it, but i don't think about. or in all fairness i have never lived it before so its not like i can picture it.
i am going 'home' but it feels more like an idea and less like a place. the people will be there but something will be missing.
but that place is just the place i call my own.
but i am doing this...i am facing this...and when You open the door i am walking through it.
i am going to live. i am trusting You and i am free. its not starting then but its here now and its real to me.
i was in a meeting today, there are alot of thig here that i don't like but its alright. niya and i say it all the time, it'll be aright. and it will, it is.
there was/is drama but i am stepping away for it. these girls are small and i am not getting in the mix. i am just choosing to be ok. not to be bothered or let it consume me. its all going to work out in the end, so why waste my time now getting upset when in the end it will really be ok.
its like i've thought it but today i did. and i am doing it with alot of things right now. here in ireland.
I want You...
